BOOK REVIEW: Happier At Home, by Gretchen Rubin

Gretchen Rubin brings us tales of her second happiness project in her new book, Happier at Home.  (Her first project, summarized in her book The Happiness Project, is reviewed here.)  As the title suggests, this time she focused her happiness efforts specifically on her home, after observing that so much of her happiness depends on the physical and spiritual environment of her home.  (I bet the same is true for you and me, too.)  While the focus on home somewhat narrows the scope of her resolutions, her conclusions that I found the most profound were remarkably consistent throughout both books:  Be yourself; Happiness is found in paradoxes; and Do it now.

Be yourself.  In nearly every chapter in Happier at Home, Rubin reminds herself to “Be Gretchen.”  She has found, and she describes vividly and repeatedly, that trying to be something or someone else is a major source of unhappiness.  Thus “Be Gretchen” has become the first of her “Twelve Personal Commandments.”

For example, for years of her adulthood she harbored a love of children’s literature.  She continued to re-read and cherish classics such as Little Women, The Little House in the Big Wood,  and A Little Princess.  But she felt slightly ashamed about this hobby, since she felt she “ought” to like adult literature and “should” read more educational non-fiction.  But then she remembered:  “Be Gretchen.”  Gretchen likes children’s literature, so she embraced it and started a children’s lit book club for adults.  It has proved so popular that she now has three groups running.  Instead of suffering boredom or worse reading books she “should” read, she is immensely happy reading, discussing and celebrating the literature she has always loved.

Since Socrates first admonished his students to “Know thyself,” being self aware has been a mark of maturity and wisdom.  Unfortunately modern consumerist society, in its rush to sell us more stuff, constantly tries to convince us that happiness will come once we change, upgrade, or transform ourselves, preferably with the latest new product.  Rubin finds again and again that happiness does not lie down that path.  Happiness begins with you know yourself, and then practice being yourself.

Happiness is found in paradoxes.  Early on Rubin makes the observation that the opposite of a profound truth is also true.  Thus in an early chapter on possessions, Rubin embraces the old truth that “Less is more.”  Simplicity adds to happiness.  And yet, she acknowledges, many of the things in her life that make her the happiest have added complexity to her life:  kids, her marriage, big work projects.  More is more, too.  Happiness, it turns out, is not found in the extremes, but in the paradoxes between the extremes.

Once you realize this, you begin to notice the paradoxes all around you.  The days are long, but the years are short.  It would be good to have more time to do some things; it would be good to have less time to do some things.  To be happy, you have to make other people happy; to make other people happy, you have to be happy.  

These paradoxes show that happiness does not consist of a removal of all tension, conflict, and imperfection in life.  Rather, as Rubin finds throughout her book, happiness comes in adapting yourself to the tensions of life, in resolving the conflicts, in celebrating the imperfections.  Want what you have, in other words, instead of constantly searching for the perfect.

Do it now.  The final chapter of her book is Rubin's most philosophical:  as she looks back over her year of new happiness resolutions, she realizes that in each case, Now is the time to be happy.  Now is the time to enjoy and appreciate her kids, her marriage, her neighborhood, her health.  Sure, there may be much to look forward to, but look too far forward and suddenly the Now is gone.  Wishing she were happier would have taken her nowhere.  But taking action--in come cases, quite small action--made her happier right now.  In her words, "Now is now, and now is already a long time ago."  Where does the time go?  Her suggestion is to not let it go by unnoticed.  Undertake a happiness project of your own to help cultivate an attitude of gratitude, and an appreciation of what you have right now.  Do it Now!

I'm no writer of Rubin's caliber, but with a blog about living in the present tense, you can imagine I've thought a lot about Now.  (A couple of examples are here and here.  This post explains what we mean by Present Tense Living.)  As we've said before, it is easy to live your life in any time BUT the present.  We get stuck obsessing about the past, regretting it, or wishing we could return to it.  Or, we worry about the future, or we long for it.  Either way, we miss out all that is good and worthy about Now.  You can't go back to the past.  Tomorrow may never come.  Now is all you have, so make the most of it.  This is your life, this is your time.  What will you do with it?

Make it a great day!