How to Live?

I’ve been led into deep thoughts from recent random events.  First, the events:

• Two weeks ago I celebrated my birthday with my annual reading of Seneca’s On theShortness of Life.

• Yesterday I read of the death of Tim Stack, 60, CEO of Piedmont Healthcare, a prominent hospital system here in Atlanta.

• Today I saw the report of the death of Gore Vidal, 86, celebrated author.

Now, the deep thoughts:

I never met Tim Stack or Gore Vidal, but I couldn’t help thinking of each as a reference point for me: if I live to Mr. Stack’s age, I have 16 years left; if I live to Mr. Vidal’s age, I have 42 years left.  That’s a big difference.  What would I do differently today if I knew for certain that I have only 16 years left to live rather than 42?

Enter Seneca: 

“…all save a very few find life at an end just as they are getting ready to live.” 

I’ve known people for whom that is true; they look forward their entire working lives to retirement, so that they can really live, and then they die or become incapacitated and can’t do it.  It is tragic and sad when it happens.  I don’t want to do that, and if it comes to pass that I have only 16 years left, I need to get busy living.  But what if it turns out I have 42 years left?  How do I prepare for a long future life, which may not come, without passing up on too much life today, which I certainly have right now?

Getting this balance right is very difficult.  It is unrealistic for most of us to extract ourselves from common bourgeois existence to pursue leisure full time.  (I’m using “leisure” here in the classical sense, meaning activities that have intrinsic value in themselves, without regard for the ends they might achieve, like money.)   Yet at the same time, many of us realize that the hectic pace of modern American life, a treadmill of earn --> acquire --> earn more --> acquire more, with very little time devoted to leisure pursuits, probably isn’t the best way to live, either.  We know we should get off the treadmill at some point, hence the “When I retire, then….” dreams.  But should we really put off good living until then?  Do we run the risk of fulfilling Seneca’s prediction that we find life at an end just as we are getting ready to live?

Yet there seems to no good or easy time to get off the treadmill early.  We need to pay off the student loans; then we need the bigger house; then we need to put the kids through school; by then there is the beach house to take care of, too, and the wardrobe to keep current, and then electronic gadgets seem to need upgrading more frequently than ever…….

Enter Seneca again:

  …”very wretched , therefore, and not merely short, must the life of those be who work hard to gain what they must work harder to keep.  By great toil they attain what they wish, and with anxiety hold what they have attained; meanwhile they take no account of time that will never more return.”

And so it is that the treadmill remains attractive because our focus rests on the fruits of our labor:  the trinkets, tokens, and totems of success that our society has deemed valuable.  But the very real risk is that we overvalue the trinkets while we undervalue the time that it takes to earn them; we assume we have an unlimited store of time from which to draw; and when that turns out not to be true, we are surprised by the shortness of our lives.  The true value of our time suddenly comes into focus, just as we run out of it; and we find ourselves with no time to really live.

So how do we find the right balance?  How can we really live throughout our lives, and not save all the good stuff for the end that may get cut short?  There are no easy or obvious answers.  But it is certainly something to think about.

“Why do you delay?  Why are you idle?  Unless you seize the day, it flees.”

                                                                                                                -Seneca

The Philosophy of Present Tense Living

Present Tense Living is about appreciating life in the here and now.

Our consumerist society, for all the advantages it offers, has the big disadvantage of relentlessly pulling us toward a promised future of bliss. Happiness is always just one more promotion, or one more purchase, or one more move away. Once we gain something we think we want, our pleasure in the gain often is all too fleeting, as quickly our thoughts turn to the next big thing.

Does the following sound familiar? 

You seek to be “happy.” Happy is some combination of health, wealth, and relationships.

So you go to work to earn money. You try to work at something “meaningful” or that somehow contributes more than money to your happiness. Work—and the commute—takes more time than you would like. So you start trying to “save time.” You multi-task. You time-shift (e.g., you work a flex schedule from 7a to 4p). You place-shift (e.g., you Blackberry at your kids' soccer practices). You let work seep into personal life and personal life seep into work. You tell yourself this is “balance.” You try to optimize this balance of money and time.

All this happens against the backdrop of our culture that says you can “have it all.” You can make the most of every opportunity. You can be a great dad, a perfect mom, a smart investor, a buff athlete, a desirable lover, and a dedicated volunteer, all at the same time. It’s hard to fit all that in, but you feel like you should. (After all, the magazines and TV shows say you can and should.) So you sleep a little less. You try to become more “efficient.” You multitask even more. You rush. You hurry. You demand that others do too. (How many times a week do you tell you kids to “Hurry up!”)  Welcome to the rat race! You’ve entered the track and you’re well on your way to a life of hurry and scurry.

So: are you happy?

For many people, the answer is: "not exactly." Yes, there are material benefits to our efforts. Yes, the kids are in a good school and get lots of cool stuff. Yes, we have the big house and the big TVs and the big cars. But somehow, we don't feel as happy as, in theory, it seems that we should. Why?

I believe we get so caught up in the rat race--the chase--that we fail to appreciate the milestones that we pass along the way. The idea of present tense living isn't to abandon the race and get off the track; instead, the idea is to slow down and enjoy the route. Notice the buildings along the road; slow down to chat with the spectators lining the way; stop and smell the roses growing in the field beside the turn.

Does that mean you have to give up on winning the race? Perhaps....or perhaps not. (Remember the tortoise and the hare!) I think it is more helpful to redefine "winning": it is not he who crosses the line first, or with the most stuff collected along the way, who wins. Rather, a winning race is a race well run, with a big collection of relationships and experiences enjoyed along the way. Who among us knows how long our race will be, anyway? Better to enjoy it as we run, lest we save all our enjoyment for a future that never comes.

Present Tense Living is about deciding what is important to you, and making that the focus of your life. Don't let a consumerist, materialistic culture decide for you how much to work, and what to spend your money on, and with whom to socialize. Be deliberate about what you will do; do one thing at a time; take time to do it right; enjoy and appreciate the benefits that today offers. Don't ignore the future, but don't be beholden to it either. Live in the present tense!